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TheSpottedZebra
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Country: Denmark
Metro: Copenhagen
Birthday: 11/2/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: Reading, lists/notes, playing music, having fun, being weird.
Expertise: I've got to be good at something, right? *grumbles*
Occupation: Majoring in nursing
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
6/14/2003
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| The nurses in Denmark will go on strike from wednesday the 16th.
This really sucks because I'm about to start an internship at a
vascular surgery ward on monday the 21th. It seems that there will be
some sort of assignment to make up for the missed hours, but I fail to
see how reading an assortment of general articles could ever replace
the kind of pratise I'd get in the clinic.
I'm all for nurses getting higher wages, but it's not cool when it costs me experience I need become a good nurse.
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| A little picture of the cat from last Christmas. His facial expression is just priceless.
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| I had a great time in Finland. We went out to have
dinner twice, and watched two movies at the cinema: Vantage point and
There will be blood. We also rented a couple movies at the rental
store, and made a couple trips to the mall.
It always feels a bit like having been in a vacuum
when arriving back home. As having been floating in your very own
personal little bubble that suddenly bursts. My knowledge of finnish is
still rather limited, so most background chatter is percieved as just
noise.
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The story of how I got a boyfriend in Finland is a
rather messy one, but it worked out in the end. Jouni and I met on
World of Warcraft. He's a longtime friend from there, and I've known
him for about 2,5 years now. I always enjoyed talking to him about the
game and random everyday things, and seeing as I was with someone else
at the time, it was just that - a gaming friend from online.
However, my relationship wasn't going very well and
I was often unhappy and feeling lonely. Talking to Jouni was always fun
though, and he made me laugh even when I had had a bad day. He's a law
student that works in a bank, and last spring he was asked to go on a
business trip to Copenhagen, because his bank had been bought by a
danish bank. He asked if I'd like to hang out, but I was rather
inclined to say no. My ex-boyfriend got me convinced it'd be a good
idea though, and I thought what the heck... it's just meeting a friend.
That's the point when everything started getting
messy. It just so happened that Jouni turned out to be exactly the same
person in real life as online. Warm, funny and pleasant to be around -
and cute to boot, even though we had never as much as talked about how
oneanother looked.
Over the next couple months I felt increasingly more
estranged from my ex-boyfriend. I felt like the very last priority on
his list because gaming was consuming so much of his time that he'd
barely talk to me - and when he finally did, it was usually negative
attention. I felt he was outright mean to me at times, although I'm
sure he didn't interpret it the same way. Everything was centered
around gaming, and we'd never just chat. Truth was, I realized how
little connection we had at the emotional level. We always needed an
object to focus on to be able to interact, and without the tv or the
computer running all that was left was silence. In the end, I saw no
other way than to end it. I felt selfish doing that, but I rationalized
that I just couldn't sacrifice my own happiness to make someone else
happy - or rather, I couldn't sacrifice my own happiness to someone
else's indifference. My happiness should bring about someone else's
happiness - anything less than that is not acceptable.
Jouni supported me through all this. Through him, I
realized the kind of warmth I was missing in my relationship. He later
told me he had aimed to give me objective and neutral advice, but that
he had grown fond of me. I had also became attached to him, but stayed
focused on keeping things apart. I wanted me leaving my ex-boyfriend to
have nothing to do with anyone but the ex and I. It was a bit of an
illusion though, since I admitted to Jouni that I had a crush on him.
He felt the same about me.
What do you do in that kind of a situation? I wasn't
looking to cheat. I wasn't looking to decieve anyone, or try to lead a
secret life alongside my current life. I hadn't been looking for
romance online, but it snuck up on me in its least expected form. I had
decided to move out, but being on a student budget in Copenhagen I
wasn't able to do that from one day to the other. I considered pulling
the plug on my net, just simply staying offline 'till the living
situation had been resolved, but that'd have been some highly
suspicious behaviour to my ex-boyfriend. I felt that telling him wasn't
an option 'till I was sure I'd have a place to go in a hurry if
necessary, and the fact that I felt that way really shows the lack of
bonding between us. He's a hothead with a temper, and I was simply
worried he'd kick me out on the spot if I told him I was looking for an
apartment.
It was quite a relief the day I finally moved out.
Hell of a mess with all my stuff randomly stowed into a tiny room and
me having a job that required me to wake up at 5am, but it was mine and
I felt happy. Jouni is absolutely wonderful, and visiting him is always
the high point of the month. We still have the distance issue to work
out, but 1000km is not so bad. The language barrier seems more of a
problem right now, since it effectively keeps me from getting a job in
Finland, but we'll get through that too. In spite of all the travelling
and the limitted time together, I really don't remember any point in my
life where I've been happier than I am now.
The ex-boyfriend and I don't talk anymore, after I told him in February
that I was with someone else. I felt a bit creeped out since he seemed
to have been tracking exactly how many days I hadn't been on MSN. The
ex-boyfriend and Jouni know each other, and I had to tell the ex who I
was seeing since he'd have been able to read and look up the forreign
countrycode on the call anyway. I had hoped that wouldnt't have been
necessary, since it served no other purpose than to cause more pain.
So, what do you guys think? There wasn't really an easy way to handle
that situation, and I know I hurt my ex-boyfriend quite badly. I don't
see any easy way I could've gotten out of the situation though.
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| Whoa, time passes fast yet again.
I'm still out there, alive and kicking. Lots of things have changed
these past 9 months. Most notably, a new boyfriend. He lives in Finland
so I've got to go on a plane to get there. All packed, just killing a
couple hours before I go. I'm so happy :)
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| I broke up with my boyfriend of two years yesterday. Not feeling too great, but at least it can only get better from now on.
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